Chapter 9: THE LAYOVERS

THE LAYOVERS

After a while, I ignored this unexcited feeling. I tried to be positive and look forward to my upcoming flights. Having a positive mindset can change a lot. Of course being positive the whole time is difficult but I believe that if we lose our positivity we lose everything in life. With this mindset, I awaited my upcoming flights, my first layovers. A layover means that you will stay in the country for at least a day and that’s quite exciting right? My upcoming layovers at that time were: Canada, Morocco, and South Africa

It was finally time to start preparing for my first flight, Montreal Canada. I usually don’t know what to pack for my flight and end up taking too many clothes and shoes. On the other hand, it is important to have enough so you have choices. Canada at that time was very cold and snowy, so I needed to pack my winter coat as well. All set and ready for this 12 hour flight where you, as a flight attendant have 3 hours of rest in the aircraft. I got picked up on time and proceeded to the airport. After a while, we started the boarding and the passengers prepared for the long flight ahead. I immediately spotted this family of four with two cute little kids, a boy and girl. During the flight I spoiled the kids with a lot of snacks and every time I walked by, this little girl wanted to grab my arms and give me a hug. It was a very long but relaxed flight, all the passengers were nice and calm.

Arriving at the hotel we made plans with some of the crew to go for dinner. Within an hour we’d showered, changed and made our way to a restaurant near the hotel. Later that evening I went to the city as well and came back around 23.30h. Not too late because two girls and I had planned to rent a car and go to Quebec City the next day. What a beautiful road trip it was, we shared stories with each other and listened to a lot of music. One of the stories really touched my heart and was about one of the girls wanting to do something different, follow her dreams and live with her husband. Sadly, she was not able to do so now and was actually stuck with this job. Yes, she enjoyed this job somehow but wanted to spend her life with her husband. Arriving in Quebec was beautiful, it’s a city with European and North American influences. For me a very beautiful mixture of architecture. As the time passes by, we enjoyed each other’s company, had dinner and went home. The next day I went to the city in Montreal, which again has this mixture of architecture. A very beautiful, calm and loving city. I really enjoyed this atmosphere. As the three days in Canada flew by, it was time for my next destination: Morocco, Casablanca.

Two days later it was time for my other flight to Casablanca. During the flight, I met this loving and funny crew, who I will never forget. During the flight, we laughed so hard with each other. Also, this flight was quiet with no interesting passengers. Arriving in Casablanca, it was very hot outside and besides that, we had to wait for our supervisors because they wanted to buy some famous oil from the driver. As we were waiting this funny crew member said to me: “Daniel, I cannot believe we are buying products from the back of a car and we are talking about finesse in this company”. At that moment we laughed so hard. Other than that I visited this famous big mosque and had traditional food in a nice restaurant. You do have some nice and modern places in Casablanca but most of it is very old. 

After this flight, I only had 12 hours of rest and then I was off to South Africa Johannesburg. I didn’t sleep properly and wasn’t well rested for this 9-hour flight. Even though I was tired, I was ready for this adventure to South Africa as it was always my dream to visit South Africa. The flight was busy which kept me awake. To be honest I’d rather have a busy flight than a flight where there is nothing to do. Finally, we arrived in Johannesburg where there is this famous safari called Lion Park. Even though I was very tired, I dragged myself to go. This is the most tiring part of the job, where u had a long and exhausting flight but still want to go out and see the country. Arriving at the lion park was disappointing, it was just a very big cage with a couple of lions and cheetahs in it. Not a proper safari, like I had anticipated. Even though the tour was disappointing, we ended up playing with the baby lions, which was so magical. A real dream came true. We ended the day drinking and eating at the Nelson Mandela Square. 

On our way back to the airport, a 1-hour drive, I enjoyed the landscape of beautiful South Africa. We also did the flight briefing on the bus. Sometimes briefings are quick and nothing special, but other times supervisors talk about all the safety and security issues. Sometimes even what to do in an evacuation or medical situation. The moment they start to talk about it, I imagine all these awful things and just hope that nothing will happen on our flight. We arrived at the airport and proceeded to the aircraft. During the service, there was this Arabic kid (5 years old) and as I gave him his meal, he very rudely replied with: “no take this back, I don’t want it and don’t like it”. He even made this ‘take it back’. hand gesture. Imagine... A five year old. At that point, I sarcastically responded with: “you don’t like it? Shall I take it back?”. Like I mentioned before, often there is no need to respond to certain things.  After the service, 3 hours into the flight, we finally sat down and had dinner. While enjoying my meal, speaking to my colleagues and looking out the window, we suddenly heard this loud scream in the cabin…I looked at my colleague and said SHIT.

Chapter 8: KEEPING CALM

KEEPING CALM

I believe that the key to responding to people who are angry or disrespectful is to calm yourself and stay calm while responding. Seriously, for me, there is no point in responding angry or disrespectful back. It only drains your own energy and makes the situation worse. Clearly, the person doesn’t know how to behave, and I would like to show the person, that I grew up with manners and of course know how to treat people. When I saw this person yelling at me, I was in shock, I didn’t know right away what to say, but for sure yelling back and disrespecting him was not an option for me. So when he was finished, I looked at my colleague and then looked at him and responded with: “Sir, I believe you are waiting for your food and you are very hungry? This is not the way you talk to people, but I’m more than happy to give you our 5-star service after serving these customers in front of you. Thank you”. My good friend always tells me this famous quote: “When they go low, we go high”. Of course, sometimes we can get so angry, but if you think about it, there is really no point in replying disrespectfully. Usually, when people act like that, they don’t know better, they don’t have the proper education, are narrow-minded or it’s just a cultural thing. The important thing is to make sure you tell them, that the way they talk to you, should stop immediately.

After some hours we were flying back to our home base and the flight was peaceful. We were flying all morning and arrived home around 10.00am. I came home, took my uniform off and went immediately for a shower. This is the best part of coming home after a flight. I then jumped in my bed and answered some messages. Suddenly I wasn’t tired anymore, this feeling when you want to sleep, but you just cannot sleep. Very irritating, so started staring outside my window and thinking about certain things. I just had my first flight as a flight attendant, something I always wanted to do. I was clearly living my dream, but you know, I wasn’t excited at all. Maybe because of the customer, but I didn’t really have a feeling. What could it be? Was I just tired, but couldn’t sleep? Maybe this is not really my thing; but how could you say that after one flight? I closed my eyes and told myself that I will enjoy it more, for now, let’s just sleep.

Later that day, I woke up around 06.00pm, started texting people to know if they are in town. Sadly everyone was having flights or already on minimum rest, so they couldn’t leave the apartment. Well, that’s how my day ended, having dinner by myself and making myself tired in order to sleep. My next flight was the next day in the evening, so I decided just to watch movies, gym and stay in my apartment till my next duty.

Finally, it was time for my next flight and I started preparing myself for this flight to Karachi, Pakistan. Again Pakistan. The best thing about this job (besides seeing all the countries) is that the customer profile is very diverse. Every time new people, new attitudes and new behaviors. While preparing I was just hoping that the customers will be relaxed and kind, so not like my first flight. But on the other hand, it makes the job exciting and there is some action. Haha. I put on my uniform and headed to the airport to get on the flight. Luckily this time I got my briefing question right and we were all ready to operate the flight. The flight was full, and we started boarding (customers entering the aircraft and taking their seats) a little bit early, to leave on time. The best part of boarding or what I usually do, is to spot good-looking people, hope they sit in my zone, so I can look after them during the flight. For me that is what makes the flight exciting and fun. Of course, the crew as well. Suddenly this customer enters the flight, very cute long hair and casually dressed. Well, not in my zone, but on my side, so I had to walk by a couple of times. Suddenly the customer says not to wake her up during the flight and she wants a blanket, because it was cold. A little attitude and suddenly she wasn’t that good-looking anymore. Again a sign that beauty from the outside is important but from the inside is way more important. I asked my colleague for a blanket, but she forgot to bring it and even I forgot to crosscheck with the crew if they gave her the blanket. After 30 minutes, this customer calls me and tells me with even more attitude like before: “Uhmmm… I asked you for a blanket, it has been 1 hour already and still nothing... it is really cold here you know”. I apologized and gave her the blanket. After a while we were ready for landing and my colleague was getting the cabin ready for landing. This particular person was sleeping with her blanket over her head, so we had to wake her up by tapping her on the shoulder. We did this a couple of times by saying: “Mam...Mam...Mam”. Suddenly this customer wakes up and started shouting saying: “Don’t wake me up and that’s not how you wake me up. You have to say excuse me and don’t touch me”. I was just standing there, shocked and started laughing. You know, some people are just ridiculous and at this moment I don’t have time for this sh*t. I looked at her and said: “Mam, we are ready for landing, prepare yourself. Thank you”. Well first impression can be wrong. In this case VERY WRONG!

Again, a hectic flight, happy to be home, showered and jumped in my bed. At that point, I wasn’t really feeling the moment of excitement I should feel. I mean, I’m living my dream and still I’m not excited or enthusiastic about it. How could this be? Living an actual dream should be an amazing feeling, right? Well, I think we can be wrong sometimes about our dreams and its more than ‘ok’ to realize that something you always wanted, is not what you thought it was. 

Chapter 7: THE BEGINNING OF

THE BEGINNING OF

Looking at my watch and seeing the time, really scared me. I had this anxious feeling and I started breathing heavily. Why did I allow the alcohol to take over and why am I not responsible enough to get home in time? As I walked out of the restroom, I somehow managed to find my friends dancing at the bar. I ran to them and told them that we had to leave right away. They somehow didn’t respond and kept on enjoying the music. “Come on, we have to leave now! We are late and won't reach home in time” I yelled. Somehow, they didn’t seem bothered and I started doubting myself in a weird way. Suddenly my friend came to me and said: “Daniel, Relax! Its only 1.46am. We will leave in two hours, we will get you home safe”. At that moment I looked at my watch and indeed… I’d made a mistake, we still had enough time to enjoy ourselves. Relief washed over me, because how stupid would it be to break the rules on the first day. 

As we enjoyed the night, it was time for us to go home. We called a taxi, asked him to bring us to our accommodation and he did. Before disembarking we told each other to act normal, sober and walk straight to our building. There are often cases where the security reports crew, because they were too drunk to walk to their building. Whenever something like this happens, you will receive a letter from the company that you have to come and explain yourself. Being in the middle east and especially in this company, you must avoid all these things. The trick is to live this anonymous life, where no one really knows you exist. So far, I’ve managed to maintain the anonymous life. We counted to 3, disembarked and slowly walked into the accommodation. Really focused, completely silent and eyes on the destination we walked towards our building. We were with the four of us and were doing pretty well. You would never have noticed that we had even taken a sip of alcohol. Meters away from our building, my friend said he couldn’t take it anymore and that he felt like he had to throw up. “No, please…we are almost there, and you are almost in your room, please bear with us!”. Suddenly a security guard was meters behind us. Shit…Ok, listen.. whatever we do, walk fast and please don’t throw up. Breath in and breath out. At that moment the it seemed like the building was moving away from us and the guard was getting closer and closer. I was so nervous at that time and prayed that my friend would make it to the building. Suddenly my friend started coughing and I thought, this is the end. Exactly when he started coughing the security walked pass us, but luckily, we made it to our building safely. Thank god we did.

That morning I showered, went straight to bed and slept for 10 hours. Waking up, I was already on my minimum rest (12 hours before the flight) because I had my first ever flight the next day. Again, I woke up with this empty feeling but also excited for my first ever flight. I’d managed to survive the two months of training and would finally start doing what I’d come for. My first two flights were observation flights. This means that you observe what the others do, but you participate as much as possible. Four hours before the reporting time, I started preparation for the flight. Preparing for the flight is all about checking the destination, flight number, flying time, the crew onboard, time difference and the service we will be doing. My very first flight was a turnaround to Pakistan, Islamabad. Turnaround means that we will land in the country, wait for 1 hour, welcome new passengers and fly back to our home base. About the flight, there was nothing really positive to say and I remember my instructor saying: “Guys, just hope that you don’t have Islamabad as your observations flight, because it will make u hate your job”. Of course, lucky me, I had it as my first observation flight and to put a cherry on top, it was overbooked.

An hour before my pick-up time, I started to get ready. I cleanly shaved, which is a must whenever going on a flight, brushed my teeth and applied crème. Again, I felt this excited feeling coming up. A feeling which reflected on actually living a dream. I wore my uniform and it was time to go to the crew center. The crew center is a separate area, were all the cabin crew gathers, does their briefing and goes through security. Whenever this is done, we embark the crew bus and go to our aircraft. The briefing started right on time, with a round of introduction. During the introduction, you say your name, where you’re from and how long you’ve been flying. When the introduction is done, we discuss the information about the flight and then we have a grooming check. There is a grooming check before every flight, which means that the grooming officer checks each crew, to make sure they look representable and up to standards to go on the flight. Whenever this is done, the supervisor asks safety, security and first aid questions. Each crew gets one question. She started with safety and security and I was hoping to get a very easy question at that time. At that time I was thinking about everything we’d learned in training, still hoping to get a very easy question and preferably not a first-aid question. Suddenly it was my turn, … first-aid. “what is the breathing rate of an adult, Daniel?” Shit… I didn’t know… and luckily this other crew member helped me out and the supervisor was super nice.

It was time to go to the aircraft and do the flight. My very first crew was super nice and helped a lot. We came on the aircraft and started doing our safety check and security search. At this time, we do all the pre-flight checks of the equipment onboard and check if there are no prohibited items in the aircraft. Again, they warn me about this flight and the rudeness of the passengers. It was time for boarding and my colleague came to me and said: “Daniel, this can be a difficult flight, customers are rude, but just be nice and stay calm. Do your best”. After a couple seconds, the first customer boarded the aircraft, looking all angry and not amused. After that the other customers came. It was a mix of happy, angry, not amused and quiet people. After a while, boarding was completed, and we were ready to go. After 20minutes in the air we started to service, and they gave me cart. I was quite nervous and started to feel hot. Not sure if its my nerves or just the temperature in the aircraft. After serving some people, it happened. The situation the crew warned me about. While I was serving a customer another one started yelling at me. Like loudly yelling at me and saying: “you are going too slow, I am hungry, and I paid for this shit. I want my meal and my drinks now. I cannot believe how slow and stupid you are. How can u make me wait? I Paid and want a good and fast service”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, my mind was running wild. This is not what I signed up for and this is not how I imagined the job. This is not how you treat people. I looked at the customer and after he was done yelling in the whole cabin, it was my time to respond and believe me, when it comes to disrespect I’m not afraid to lose my job.

Chapter 6: THE END OF TRAINING

THE END OF TRAINING

Discovering that GB was living a double life, made me really angry and sort of sad. Angry because I was proofed wrong. I thought of this person in a way that was completely wrong. How could this person make me believe such a lie? I’d discovered that GB was in other relationships while telling me, I was the only one. Thinking back, I can only laugh at myself. How stupid could I be? But you know life here is very lonely, so people get attached faster and break morals easier because of their loneliness. I’d experienced the same, I’d given in to GB too fast because I was lonely and looking for a distraction. I made it clear to myself, I will always believe in love but for now, love or a relationship is not what I’m looking for. I will continue to work on myself, my behavior and attitude towards a romantic relationship to be at my best when the right one crosses my path. I still believe that the right one is out there waiting for me.

After all this, I was in the last part of the training (Cabin Service Training). Days were going by pretty quickly but it was still hard to adjust. The training was very practical with a lot of scenarios. I really enjoyed that part, because there wasn’t much to study. We were constantly laughing at people doing scenarios and received food (which we serve onboard) at the end of each day. My friend MD and I were always hungry, so we’d keep grabbing more food, even when others had not eaten yet. The trainer always asked who took more and we’d look at each other and continue to enjoy our second or even third meal. This is the reason why I get along with MD, we both enjoy being naughty and ‘breaking rules’ all the time.

There was also another reason why I did enjoy this part of the training. It was because of the trainer (BM). She was a kind of mother figure who inspired the group all the time and who was always there for people if they needed anything. Often, she shared personal motivating stories and I could just sit there in class for hours and listen to her. She had this way of speaking, which really made people pay full attention. On the other hand, she was also very rebellious, she did what she thought was right and the word ‘fear’ for anyone or anything was not in her dictionary. One day, during training I was fully focused and looking at her and I don’t know why, but I really felt this connection with her.

Finally, the training was over and done and I was officially a flight attendant. During the graduation (Wings day) I received an award for being the best in serving hot beverages. Proud moment. During graduation, the boys and girls come together in one room and can finally talk to each other. Stupid right? During training, you cannot talk and suddenly they promote talking to each other and to get along. Of course, all guys and even the girls were very excited to talk to each other, because two months being around the same gender makes u go crazy from time to time. It was very strange. Anytime a girl walked by, the guys got all excited, started laughing and making crazy faces at each other. Imagine being in prison for years…. Haha. We finished the wings day by cutting three cakes. During this moment I took a step back, looked around me and realized one of my dreams had really come true. I’d always wanted to do this and look at me all the way in the middle east as a flight attendant for a top-ranked company. Dreams do really come true and if you don’t give up, great things can be achieved. I was really proud of myself at that moment because I’d survived and pushed through the ‘90 minutes (being outside) rule’ for two months. After the graduation some rules changed, whenever we are free we can stay outside till 4:00 am and before a flight (pick up time) we must be inside 12 hours prior. These is referred to as minimum rest. Breaking the minimum rest, means termination right away. Explanation about breaking the rest will not be asked.

That same day we planned a graduation party with all the people from Wings day. It was like we were celebrating the fact that we were officially free people. It was a bittersweet feeling. A feeling of indeed being free but somehow not the freedom I was seeking. However, I was excited about the party and ready to go all out. The plan was to pre-drink at a hotel where we get 50% off on alcohol and then go to the nightclub to dance. At 8 pm I arrived at the party and immediately ordered a bottle of wine. I was enjoying it and talking to a lot of people. At some point, we even started taking shots at the bar. Inside the hotels and clubs is a completely different world, a western world. At some point, we arrived at the nightclub, which had some good music. I continued to order drinks and realized that I had to stop as I was getting really drunk. The thing with drinking is, you always convince yourself that you can take on more glass and I had to celebrate my freedom of course.

My friend and I decided to take another shot and at that point, we completely lost control over ourselves. Things started to move slowly around me, I couldn’t hear the music clearly and standing straight was very difficult. People started leaving the nightclub. While all this was going on, my vision was really fading away and I couldn’t really talk to anyone. I said to myself that I had to stop drinking and order water. Before that, I went to the restroom to pour some water on my face in order to focus again. As I poured water over my face, I looked at myself in the mirror and then took a look at my watch.......… 3.46AM......

CHAPTER 5: THE CHOICE OF LOVE

THE CHOICE OF LOVE

Sometimes we think we are on the right path of our life’s or we found the real purpose, but we aren’t. The most important thing is to acknowledge that we have not and find a new direction as soon as possible. While seeing DE and thinking that a relationship would be a possibility, someone else came in my life. While doing groceries on my free day, I saw this person constantly staring at me. At some point, I couldn’t take it anymore and walked in the direction of this person. They suddenly asked me if I was crew. It’s usually pretty obvious here when someone is crew. I replied with a smile and said yes and you? GB shyly replied yes. We started talking about the date of joining and that it is hard to adapt here in the middle east. We agreed on many subjects and as the time flew by and the conversation got more interesting, it was time for me to finish my groceries and rush back home. GB asked me my contact details and I gave them correctly. As I said goodbye to GB and left, I thought to myself pretty interesting person but didn’t really think about it anymore. However I did receive  a direct message.

From that day on, we started talking every day via WhatsApp. I wasn’t sure, whether I  should tell DE or not. I mean nothing was serious at that time. Should you tell the person you are dating that you are seeing or talking to another person as well? For me, I just try to date one person at a time. Ahaha. GB is very quiet at times, responsible, not that that good-looking but intelligent. I won’t lie, beauty is important, but over the years it became less important for me. A good heart and intelligence are of the utmost importance to me. Imagine being in a relationship with someone good-looking, but the person can’t talk about anything with you...

As the weeks went by I started seeing GB more and more. I even got invited to breakfast, no one has ever offered me homemade breakfast before. Very caring and sweet right? I started to like GB more and more. I don’t know why, but I develop feelings for people very fast. We started going out for dinners on the Fridays, we drank, danced and had fun together. But GB didn’t really enjoy it like I did and didn’t really drink as well. This started to be an issue, also the fact that GB didn’t reply consciously to messages. I want attention when I want it and not when u feel like giving it to me, very demanding! And maybe spoiled haha. But let’s be honest, who responds 4 hours later? The thing is, in a relationship whether it’s a love one or not, I give everything with my heart and In a way, I expect the very same back... I know we shouldn’t expect anything back because that’s where the disappointment starts..but life just works likes that… I guess?

Well during those weeks (basically Friday’s), I was still seeing DE and I was constantly in a dilemma. I mean DE was this person who I could have fun with for the rest of my life and that’s what life is all about. Having fun, enjoying together, supporting and having a home together. This is what DE surely could give me and that’s the ideal situation for me. GB, on the other hand, was the serious, responsible but caring type, which could keep a possible relationship stable. Stability is the key factor in everything we do and maybe I needed that in life. Not that my life is not stable, it surely is but only one person can be the clown right? And that’s me! In a relationship you should compliment eachother, if two people are the same, it will never work out. Thinking about all this, I really needed to make a choice, fully focus on one person and see whether it would work out or not. Choosing between two people means you will lose one of them and if it doesn’t work out the chance of going to the other one is 0.01%. Well, I was willing to take that risk, responsibility and accept the consequences. Having this all in my head, I went to bed and thought about it one last time.

I woke up the next morning from a good night’s rest and made my decision. This time I will choose someone who could possibly be responsible, keep my feet on the ground (like my best friend KD) and who is very caring. I chose GB over DE. Looking back, I wasn’t really satisfied with the way I told DE…Well, that choice is made, I felt a great relief and still thought I made the right decision in a way. That was what I kept on saying to myself.

As training was almost over, GB and I kept seeing each other on the Fridays. But things suddenly changed....GB was constantly complaining about my childish behavior and attitude. Still, GB was very caring and sweet at the time. I didn’t really get it, I mean, I’m just full of life and I like enjoying it to the fullest. It didn’t feel right, it made me feel bad in a way, but I ignored it. At some point, GB wasn’t really paying attention anymore and didn’t really reply to my messages, which I found really weird. As some days went by, I received a phone call and discovered that GB was living a double life…………….

Chapter 4: BETTER DAYS

BETTER DAYS

As I woke up from this dream, it really bothered me that I wasn’t in Amsterdam or Suriname. The empty feeling, I had at that moment, told me I had to go home. Immediately. However, I ignored that feeling, went for a shower and prepared for the day. Almost done, the phone suddenly rang again, the office. I let It ring a couple seconds and nervously picked up. ‘hello.. Daniël Pitti speaking’. ‘Hi Daniel, this is SG speaking from the office. We tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up. We would like to welcome you as the first Surinamese flight attendant in the company. We are very happy to have u here. If you have any questions, please let us know’. I responded with a very relieved thank you. I hung up the phone, smiling and suddenly I experienced a proud feeling.

The feeling that you are being recognized is always great and I suddenly felt like an ‘ambassador’ of my country in the middle east. That feeling really motivated me to stay, bite through the rough period and learn as much as possible. This to eventually go back to Suriname and give (international) input where needed! This approach really helped me and you know, I was just not going to give up that easily this time. As a person I get bored very easily. If I really don’t like something or I am not happy, I just leave. To be honest, this is very spoiled behavior. I’ve never had this in a professional setting but often experienced it in romantic relationships. Whenever I’m dissatisfied, the person is way too into me or my needs are not being fulfilled in a way that suits me,I just leave. Really selfish and self-centered.  The funny but most concerning point about this is that I’ve heard it from different people I’ve had relationships with. I know… something to work on.. for sure.. right?

As the training days went by, I started to enjoy it more and more. Well.. I was getting used to it I guess and accepted the fact that I would be here for a while. I believe that acceptance is the key to being truly free. I met some really nice people as mentioned before. All from different backgrounds and different reasons why they came all the way to the middle east. There were people who had to support their family, people who needed a completely new start in life, some who needed to ‘escape’ their home and leave everyone behind to find their purpose in life. We even had a two-time Olympic swimmer in our training. Hearing all the reasons, really made me realize and appreciate what I have. I did ‘escape’ a certain feeling I had in Amsterdam, but I didn’t need the salary. Being here was just a dream and check off my bucket list. Thanks to myself but especially my amazing hard-working family.

All these reasons really stayed with me during the training. We often think that we are the only one dealing with difficulties in life, but I can tell that every individual on this earth is fighting their own battles. Knowing this, we still judge people by the choices they make but don’t know the options they had to choose between. This is so unfair. Halfway through the training, I started doing some fun things on Fridays (only free day till 11:00 pm) such as Strolling through the malls, markets, and bars. Exploring the city was very nice but awkward sometimes. Awkward, because some people kept staring at me and following me at times. I still experience it from time to time when going to the supermarket. Very funny but awkward at times, I guess I look different from the average population.

I must say days in the middle east were getting better. I accepted the situation, I kept being positive and tried to live my life as much as possible. At some point, I met a person during my Friday day out in the mall. Usually, I’m very shy and never make the first step to talk someone, but this time I did. After some time, I approached this very good-looking person, asked the name (DE) and we started talking about our purpose here in the middle east. I looked very deep in the eyes of DE and saw a potential person. Full of life, love to be around friends, party a lot, family minded and serious when needed. Just what I look for in a relationship. As the conversation was about to end, I asked the mobile number, we said our goodbyes and went home.

On my way home as I gazed out the window I experienced this amazing feeling and wondered if this could be my purpose here in the middle east. Upon my arrival at home, I started messaging DE, we had so much to tell each other and this is the best part of moving to a different country. You can be a completely new person and by this, I mean, no one knows you and you get a new/fair chance to let people get to know you. We even started to call each other and after a couple days, I asked DE on a date. On this Friday I called an Uber, picked up DE at the accommodation and we went for drinks. We started drinking, talking about interesting subjects and some friends of DE joined at a certain point. DE was really good-looking and interesting. I really could see myself having a relationship, even though we were not allowed in each other’s accommodation at that time. It was almost 11o’clock and I needed to go home in order to not break curfew. I called my uber and DE and I left the place together. We talked about the date, we’d both really enjoyed it and would like to repeat it as soon as possible. As I wanted to disembark my taxi, DE and I Kissed. I didn’t see that one coming as it’s not very common to just kiss on the streets in middle eastern countries. As days passed by, I really thought this was my purpose in the middle east, my new beginning, finding the right one and sharing my life with this DE. But exactly then, when I thought I’d found my purpose and maybe the love of my life, I made an awful and horrible mistake myself.

Chapter 3: REALIZATION

REALIZATION

I turned the lights off, looked out of my window right at the moon, which was really bright that night. How will I survive this life? I mean, it’s not impossible but you never know what ‘freedom’ really is, until it is taken away from you. right? This is with everything in life, you never know what you have, until its gone. This thought brought me back to the moment when I was in love with VC in high school. VC was head over heels in love with me and I often took it for granted, because I knew this person wouldn’t leave me. At some point it happened, VC “moved on” with someone else and it hurt me. I went back to this person, begging for a second chance and I got it. Sadly it didn’t work out between us. Thinking back and reflecting on this 90 minutes situation, I realized that we as a human being, we know exactly what we have but we just think we will never lose it.

Then I closed my eyes and asked myself again. how will I survive? At some point I even got mad at myself, thinking about the time I took my freedom for granted. Freedom in this situation was the ability to do whatever and whenever I want, even though there are responsibilities. Doing what you want and coming home whenever is super normal when u reach a certain age, so we don’t even pay attention. right? Exactly…we know what we have but we just think we will never lose it! At that moment I was also thinking about all the good times, where I did whatever I want. Swiping into my apartment early in the morning, coming home completely drunk (always responsible) after a party, bringing home my male and female friends or even people I partied with that night. Haha. Having these thoughts really made me realize and appreciate my Amsterdam moments. I believe that when u really take the time to realize and appreciate small things in life, that is the moment when you see the true beauty in things or people! As these valuable moments were running through my mind, I began to feel sleepy and prepared myself for the next day. the first day of training.

I woke up early and prepared myself for the first day. Coming into class, I wasn’t really talking to someone. I am more like a person, who observes and after a period of time choose who to be around with and who I can be myself with. I am a very shy person at first. The training began with a fear-based speech and again we spoke about ALL the rules. Being at your best (all the time) is a must and mobile phones are forbidden. Being scared of the boss was printed into the minds and talking to girls was a NO-GO. (Imagine that during my internship in Amsterdam I was sitting next to the boss while working, even went for lunch and outside activities with my female colleagues.) I guess that’s when the culture shock came in…But accepting is key. Wherever we go, we must obey the rules and the culture. It’s the same when we invite people to our home, our guests must follow the rules which we made. The day ended with a statement: ‘Whenever the office calls you, it’s because you (MOST LIKELY) broke a rule. This is NOT acceptable here and MAY result in a one-way ticket home’

It wasn’t all bad, the training (15.00hours until 22.00hours) kept me busy and took my mind off the fact that I had no freedom at all. We started off with ‘safety and security’, which Is a very interesting topic. This is the topic where u learn, that as a flight attendant you are much more than a waiter in the air. But the moment I came home, I felt locked up again. I didn’t like that feeling, because I hate being alone. Eating alone is even worse, that’s why I usually facetime people while I’m eating. The beginning days of training got very lonely and I was constantly thinking to myself if it was all worth it.

On the other hand, being alone really helped me to think about certain things in my life, which was necessary at that moment. But did I really need alone time all the way in the middle east? This anxious feeling came up again, I got mad, really mad at myself! Why..did I make the decision to come all the way and leave my beautiful life behind? Why was I so stupid and what was I even thinking? I texted my good friend BA and said I want to go back to Amsterdam, I cannot take it anymore. Quickly I calmed myself down (which I'm really good at), made up my mind and closed my eyes. 

Being in my own apartment again made me so happy. As I was walking to my fridge, the sun was shining through my big window and MB was making me breakfast. Both in pajamas. It felt like nothing could stop me at that moment, the feeling of joy and seeing the beauty in everything was indescribable. I felt happy and unstoppable. I smiled at MB and said, this is the feeling I want every day. I mean it, every day and for the rest of my life. Seriously it was a magical feeling. I believe that we should do what makes us happy, whatever it is that makes us happy and remember to always be positive. This in order to live life to its fullest. MB, on the other hand, didn’t really pay attention to me, which was weird. As I wanted to go for a hug and kiss, my phone suddenly RANG very loud…. Woke up from this dream with two missed calls from the office…F*CK!